Miracles for sale

Published 12:17 am Sunday, September 2, 2007

The alarm clock said 3 a.m. but I was wide awake with jetlag on an overseas trip. Flipping through the channels I found that even in the Far East, American televangelists are hitting people up for money.

Between infomercials for the juice bullet and the latest abdominal exerciser, Don Stewart was peddling his Miracle Green Prosperity Handkerchief. The handkerchief is free (although requesting one puts you on the mailing list), but if you really want to strike it rich, the televangelist recommends the “Faith, Health, and Prosperity Bracelet I had especially handmade for you.” ($33)

Robert Tilton was on after the How to Make Millions with No Money Down Real Estate show. Call now and Robert will send you a letter with two anointed pennies inside. A young couple from Jacksonville recently turned Tilton’s loan into a small fortune.

I even saw Peter Popoff, (the guy who was caught by investigative reporters years ago using an earpiece to receive info from his employees so that he could hear the voice of God give him the names of people in the audience) still hard at work selling miracles on late night TV.

A quick check online of the latest money making schemes show everything from miracle oils to faith nails and prayer cloths. The gimmicks and trinkets come and go, but miracle infomercials follow the same basic format:

It starts with action scenes from the latest crusade where throngs cheer as people are “healed” by the televangelist. The word of the healer and healee as to the severity of their condition and miraculous recovery are taken at face value, with no effort made to confirm these claims by a qualified physician.

Next, the miracle infomercial pans to an intimate setting with large potted plants and a soothing waterfall. After preaching to the masses, the televangelist pauses to speak directly to you. The appeal begins by casting a wide net. “Are you in need of a financial blessing? Physical or emotional healing?” (That pretty much covers everybody.) Then the televangelist claims that God spoke to him directly and told him to pray for you. But in order for this prayer to work, you have to do something in return. “God is telling me,” he continues while pretending to hear Divine voices, “that you need to plant a seed offering that will bring you healing and prosperity.”

Just as he’s urging you to call the number on the screen, an assistant hands him a note. A little old lady from Kansas just called in a $100 dollar pledge. The televangelist fights back tears as he prays for God to bless this woman for her sacrifice and promises to send her a special anointed prayer cloth/miracle oil/etc…

These men redefine shameless. Disrespecting God by pretending to speak for Him while asking for money is blasphemous enough, but offering vulnerable people false hope through cheap trinkets is disgraceful.

False prophets always focus on the wrong things. While true ministers of the Gospel preach salvation by grace through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, false prophets teach a gospel of greed. In a sick attempt at spiritual blackmail, televangelists claim that, “Health, wealth, and prosperity will be yours as long as the checks keep coming.”

Disgusted, I flipped the TV back to the juice bullet. Hmm … Maybe that thing really works …



Craig Ziemba is a military pilot who lives in Meridian. His book, Give War a Chance, is available at Meridian area Bible Bookstores.