This week my sweet friend Donna P and her sister were hostesses for one of the most fun and crazy events I have ever attended. Fifteen ladies, attired in the most outlandish of costumes were there. The gals, laden down with Halloween type goodies and gifts for a dirty Halloween takeaway game, bounced through Donna’s front door. It was an eye-blazing sight. Even kitty cat, Oleo, fuzzed her tail.

The food, oh, the food, I can almost taste it again right now. There were ghostly cookies, a skull shaped cheese ball with celery stalks for hair, tombstone type cupcakes and skeleton-themed gingerbread cookies. I’m not certain but I think there were mugs of witch’s blood available for those who dared and chips with a questionable dip.

No one really worried about what the neighbors thought about the haunting type of goings-on except maybe that they wanted to join the party. I just say that anytime a group of ole gals can giggle, shake their tail-feathers and eat is a mighty good time.

First there was an art competition, which I proudly proclaim that I was the winner. The judges were bowled over by my rendition of a pink, little spider. Next was the costume competition. As each one walked the Halloween runway attired in their spectacular costumes, it was decided the plumber would garner all awards. I mean anyone who has the artistic guts to wear low slung britches, complete with an ample view of his crack, while a beer belly hangs plainly in view on the other side, well I’m talking winner, here.

And yes, these days one can order anything online.

In the competition were skeletons, a tacky tourist, Flo from Progressive Insurance Company, a full blown pumpkin, a Scary Mary Poppins, plus a few others and of course the plumber. His business had a motto: “We are number 1 with number 2.” Yikes!

But alas, the plumber’s tiny ego would not allow his victory therefore he declined and thus the award went to the Scary Mary Poppins, who took home the big prize. But I must confide that almost everyone there admired the plumber and his physique. Sigh

Now it was time to eat. One by one, the partying ole ladies visited the refreshment tables and then it was time for storytelling. I presented by scary story “Eva Nell Kitchens, Murderer, Healer or Survivor.” I explained my story was based on a few true events however I had taken the writer’s point-of-privilege to add a few scary things, like a Banshee.

Yep, I had their attention, all right.

As we followed the party agenda, it was now time for the Dirty Halloween Takeaway game. I must confide that there had been a request for one of my Hub’s special baked cakes however he chose to create my Dirty Halloween gift and it was a hit.

You see the ole turkey, I mean Hubs is a turkey hunter and he happened to have a drawer filled with turkey feet, the most gosh-awful specimen of claws you’ve ever seen. He proceeded to attach a stick to the one of the awful things that he and the pup, KayKay, found in the yard earlier that morning. That’s right – with duck tape and a fancy ribbon, he created the perfect Dirty Halloween gift in the form of a weird back scratcher. I must say no one could take their eyes off of it.

And before the attendees were ready, the party was over. It over until next year, that is.

As everyone made their goodbye hugs and vowed to be at the Ole Ladies 2019 Halloween Party, they knew memories of this party would linger in their minds for years to come. I mean how many adults can come together and have a blast without booze and drugs? That’s something to think about.

No, we didn’t need a designated driver nor did we need to call home for someone sober to come and pick us up. Yet we laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks and the collected laughter rang throughout the house.

Yep, ole ladies do know how to have fun, legally, even with a mug or two of witch’s blood.

Anne McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is listed on the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau and Mississippi Arts Commission’s Performing Artist and Teaching Artist Rosters. See her web site: www.annemckeestoryteller.com ole ladies do know how to have fun, legally.