I need a haircut and I could use a little puffing and fluffing with a side of pooh-pooh, please. Oh, and those blonde tendencies of mine could use some encouragement. While I’m at it a wax here and there would be appreciated.

Oh, and my glamour war chest at home, you know the concealer, blush and stuff, is on its last leg. Sigh.

As I have reminded Hubs on many occasions, “You are so fortunate to have me look so good, for so cheap.”

He didn’t answer. He’s a smart man.

And my nails, ugh – I won’t even mention the toesy toes, nope, not going there, not today.

I think someone real smart should open a drive-thru glam-make-over-thingy, just saying. I have it all thought-out like reclining the car seat, installing a sink with running water and a fancy spray nozzle and the stylist perched in the backseat loaded up with lotions and herbal salves, maybe with beeswax and coconut oil. Oh and hair stuff, like highlights and weird and not so weird colors, plus great things for the nails and … well you know.

Yeah, I could go for that.

But then, after all of the makeover stuff, where would I go? What would I do? I mean just walking my drive from street to barn and perhaps sitting propped-up in my recliner in the TV room is not enough to show-off all of the intense work that had been done to make me gorgeous.

Of course, I could have Hubs make a video which could be posted online all over the place, but I’m not up to that yet. I mean it would make a record forever and ever. No, it is best not to have permanent records when exposing glamour.

You might remember a few months back when my perfect hair day occurred, like it all comes together, yes, happens only once a year. You know when the highlights, cut, straightened or curled locks, weird colors or not, all hit on the same day and as you stand at the mirror in great admiration, you realize there is nothing to do but walk around Walmart but even today that is not an option.

This week I read that during the next three months 80% of the country’s Blonde population will disappear from the face of the earth. I would like to add, the remaining 20% will have sprouted odd shades of greenish, grayish, bluish strands that will surely become all of the rage post COVID-19 (first time do-it-yourselfers). I say, Go-For-It!

It was just yesterday when I walked across the foyer and saw Hubs sitting on the front porch wrapped with a towel and our son manning a pair of clippers. It was awful and scary at the same time. I’m not there yet.

This week I found myself humming this tune which I have listed below, in part:

“Till the Storm Passes By” Mosie Lister, 1958

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face

While the storm howls above me, and there’s no hiding place.

Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry.

Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

…

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand.

Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Oh, yes, I need a haircut and the color needs a touch or two, but all is well at McKee Ranch and I am thankful. My wish today is that my words brought you a chuckle or two, laughter is important. I hope your little world is cozy and safe as we wait for the disaster of our lifetime to pass and it will. Then silly things like haircuts and manicures will be just that, silliness.

May God bless you, my friends.

Anne B McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is listed on the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau and Mississippi Arts Commission’s Performing Artist and Teaching Artist Rosters. See her web site: www.annemckeestoryteller.com.