What if? I came up with a list:

1. My ponytail days would come to an end.

2. I would load up with a big gang of my friends and take lunch at Weidmann’s.

3. Hubs would call Choir Practice and the Grace Community Choir would again make a joyful noise, for sure.

4. I would put the memory of facemasks deep into a corner, somewhere but not do away with them entirely, just in case. Sigh.

5. I would attend the National Storytelling Network Conference/Festival (in person) and not just by ZOOM.

6. I would go to NASCAR at Talladaga. (No, I wouldn’t.)

7. I would go to Sunday morning church service and sit in my special pew.

8. I would get out of my pj’s and put on makeup. (Maybe not, though – that part has been fun).

9. I would visit my special friends at the nursing home.

10. I would put Big Mama & her baby boy Sonny back on the political trail.

Do you remember Big Mama Burnett and her baby boy, Sonny? I mean how can you forget them? I will never forget them because they are my favorite fictional characters, but if you look around Mississippi, these two are found all over the place.

She is the elderly widow and Sonny is the baby son who will never leave the nest. But they love each other and as well take care of each other. I have had them in all types of situations.

If you remember, one year they won the big chitterling cook off. That story was so very popular that a theatre group located near Tupelo put them on the stage. It was thrilling to see my characters performing.

But I suppose my favorite is when during the 2016 presidential campaign these two became political buds with Miss Sillary and sometimes Mr. Rump.

You see Big Mama and Sonny live in Armadillo City, deep in the heart of Armadillo County, Mississippi, where things are really shaking, most of the time. In June of 2016, Big Mama had organized a big rally for Miss Sillary at the bowling alley and Sonny had put together a welcoming parade for the ole gal.

So now is the time, if things were normal for the big Armadillo County Presidential Debate. For weeks in 2016, Miss Sillary had emailed flowery messages to Sonny.

Big Momma was convinced the ole gal, ah Miss Sillary, had a crush on her baby boy. After all he was a good catch – had all of his teeth (at the time) and nine of his toes. The women-folk flock after him like crazy and more than once, Sonny had been mistaken for Mr. Rump. That’s right.

If it were normal, like last time in 2016, Mr. Rump would skedaddle into town via his fav pulpwood truck – thinking he could blend in with the locals and he did! And Miss Sillary, not to be outdone, would hitch-hike from Memphis – showing her thrifty/nifty and maybe, her drifty side, which is hard to hide. The two would arrive just as Big Momma dropped the last strips of paper with debate questions into the official goldfish bowl. Each strip of paper represented intelligent but not too smart questions which were directed at the two rivals.

I remember the questions well:

1. (Asked by Mr. Rump). “Miss Sillary, where do you buy those awful, I mean, lovely pant suits? She answered, “None of your business.”

2. (Asked by Miss Sillary). “Mr. Rump, will you divulge the name of your hair stylist?” He answered, “None of your business.”

Yes, giant leaps for our country were made on that day in 2016 but this year, since things are not normal, all of the good people will just have to be content with Biden in his basement, Gov. Cuomo’s big face on the TV three times daily (he really is running for POTUS, it seems), and of course, Mr. Rump i.e. Trump, who won last time, thank God.

What is normal, anyways, I ask? Maybe 2020 is the normal and we have lived abnormally our entire lives? Think about it, could be worse.

So, if it were normal, what would you do today?

Anne B McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is listed on the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau and Mississippi Arts Commission’s Performing Artist and Teaching Artist Rosters. See her web site: www.annemckeestoryteller.com