What is this? 99.99 percent —could it be a sales gimmick or doctor’s diagnosis — perhaps a mind game or even politics? Mercy! I mean it has got to be the nagging .01 percent that is the bummer. In our world and society we are encouraged to be 100 percent in everything. Did you hear me? EVERYTHING!

         Sales gimmick – “Ladies and gentlemen, this car has 99.99 percent of the major options.” I mean discerning minds want to know – just what is the .01 percent thingy missing?

         Doctor’s diagnosis – “Ma’am, we got 99.99 percent of it.” OMG – What is the .01 percent that was missed?

         Mind Game – “Ma’am, this item has been discounted 99.99 percent.” Do what?

        Politician – “Vote for me. My thoughts and beliefs will make life better, 99.99 percent, of course.” Huh?

         Hey, I’m a whole lot smarter than I look, and I must state, I look pretty sharp – even if I say so myself. I have been told that I have a real talent for ciphering and that I crunch numbers with the best of ‘em, so I’ve been told, but I don’t understand this vagueness folks are sloshing around in these days.  What is going on in this world of connivers? It’s like being 99.99 percent correct or 99.99 percent pregnant – perhaps even 99.99 percent crazy?

         I mean in the good-ole-days it was either “yes or no, up or down, in or out,” something with substance. There was one way to calculate the correct answer – no iffy stuff. You know the dust never settles these days. The mark in the sand is ziggy/zaggy. Yes means No — No means Yes.

         What to do? What to do?

         Scammers, shysters, swindlers, defrauders – all lack one major component. Yeppers, it’s the integrity. If only the world could value a good person filled with honesty and honor. Yes, what a difference that could make. To be truly lovely and gracious – maybe one day, but it must start now.

        Can a person be 99.99 percent lovely? How about 99.99 percent gracious? I don’t think so … the .01 percent missing could bring it all down. That .01 percent could be termed a swindler ingredient, and before we blink our peepers, the connivers take over.  

        Good grief – is there any hope?

        And to make it more confusing, 2015 is a big election year. No! No! No! That brings about a whole new keg of worms and more taters to fry. Also, can it be? Yes, there will be political rhetoric everywhere. Grrr – dang that 99.99 percent!  I can hear primal animal sounds coming our way.

         Last political season I wrote a newspaper column entitled, “How to be a political virgin?” Here are a few of my thoughts:

         Experts say we can ignore whatever we want. It is our choice. I know that ignoring and avoiding is not exactly the same thing, but, well, I think they are first cousins. It takes work, but living in a blissful world not loaded with political unpleasantness is attainable – 99.99 percent.

    I think the answer is all connected with our emotions. Why get all in a fizz about anything? That’s my new motto. Just let it go and live your life. I mean in 100 years, who will care? That’s a thought to ponder. Now I’m not advocating a life with our heads buried in the sand, although some days that sounds mighty good, but a life that is mellow. Remember the old song, Have You Ever Been Mellow by Olivia Newton-John? The first few lines:

    There was a time when I was in a hurry as you are

    I was like you

    There was a day when I just had to tell my point of view

    I was like you

     So, how to avoid/ignore politics during a political year? Mute the TV, don’t answer the phone, don’t answer the door, never read ANY current publications, don’t talk to neighbors, when shopping at the grocery or mall, shop with closed ears and lips, cut off the radio, and stay off of the internet.

         Yeah, sure, like that can happen. Oh, and be sure to be a lovely and gracious political virgin, 99.99 percent, of course.