If you grew up in Mississippi, you’re likely to have heard of the Mouth of the South, Jerry Clower. I can’t quite tell a story like him, but I’ll share a condensed version of one of his stories as illustration.

Jerry tells of a very self-important business man who boarded a train in Chicago, Illinois and announced that he had a very important job appointment in Winona, Mississippi and needed to be woken up early and dropped off promptly, so as to not miss this appointment. Train representatives assured him they would make sure he made it on time. The next morning he opened his window shade on the train to note the train was stopped in McComb, Mississippi, a town two hours beyond his destination, and he had missed his appointment. He became irate and made a huge scene, hurting staff and destroying property. He was consoled when the railroad officials promised to make up his losses. One of the staff on the train who witnessed this tragedy remarked to another, “You know, I think that is about the maddest person I have ever seen in my life … Don’t you agree?” The other worker responded, “He was some kind of mad … but I’ve seen one other person madder than him … the man we put off the train in Winona this morning!”

Have you ever been really angry? Maybe it was something that happened to you. Maybe it was something you did. There are many sources and reasons for anger that are very individual to each one of us.

Have you heard that anger is a secondary emotion? What does that mean? That means that anger happens as a result of another emotion/feeling. For example, using the story above, the man who was so angry about missing his appointment, was likely more worried or fearful or hurt that he may lose credibility, losing his job, and how this may impact his life and family. Hence, he was worried about his future and showed this as anger.

Maybe another example would be helpful. Someone in your family says something negative about a piece of clothing you are wearing. This piece of clothing is something given to you as a gift and carries special meaning and memories. You feel anger beginning to arise. Perhaps the feeling is not being angry, it’s more likely that you feel hurt because the family member doesn’t consider the meaning of the piece of clothing. Hence, you feel hurt and it is experienced as anger.

If you consider times when you feel or have felt angry, think about what the original feeling or emotion is or was. Understanding these feelings helps us pause in our reaction to situations or circumstances that would usually show up as anger.

As you think about the role of anger in your life, consider a few ways to slow your anger response and change so that you don’t spend valuable time and energy you need for more important parts of your life:

What is the underlying reason for your angry feelings? (Hurt, Worry, Fear)

What will be different (good or bad) as a result of your anger? (Good – I will change the way that I respond and not spend my energy on this / Bad – I will avoid being around people and fret about this for a long time.)

In 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 years, how much will this thing that I am angry about matter in the big picture?

Did you know that, in addition to anger being a reaction to other feelings, anger/agitation/being on edge can be symptoms of depression and anxiety? We can learn about who we are and why we feel the way that we do. Understanding these things can improve our access to peace of mind.

If you are a senior adult struggling with worry, sadness, or loss and/or are struggling with coping with daily living, Senior Care can offer help and hope. Contact us at 601-703-4917 for more information or visit www.rushhealthsystems.org/seniorcare. 

Spencer Blalock, DHA, LCSW, BCD, is a clinical specialist with Senior Care – a service of Rush Health Systems.