I just love the commercials with former Mississippi first lady Pat Fordice on littering. Now, former Ole Miss football standout Deuce McAllister is spreading the message.

I’ve always been against littering, and now I surely won’t do it — afraid I might meet up with Pat or Deuce. But I thought, if it works for littering, maybe it would work for other things that are also bad. So I’ve come up with some ideas that might make good commercials in the future. Hopefully, they could get Pat or Deuce to star in these also. Here are a few of my ideas:

Cell phone use in public places. How many times have you been out for a quiet lunch or dinner when someone’s cell phone rings and the person answers it? It’s usually some big guy or gal who has a foghorn for a voice. The conversation is usually about who slept with whom, how irregular or gassy they have been, or how horrible their boss is. You usually find out a lot more than you ever wanted to know. I’m not your momma, but either cut your phone off or answer it outside.

Riding down a closed highway lane. You’re riding down the interstate when you see a huge sign telling you that the left lane is closed in one mile. You move into the right lane, and traffic slows to a crawl. As traffic inches along, you notice several cars speeding down the left lane.

Way down in front of you, you see their brake lights and right blinker go on and they wait for a courteous sucker to let them in at the front of the line. I’m not your momma, but get your rear end in the back of the line and wait like everybody else.

Service station restrooms (or others, for that matter). I don’t know how the ladies rooms are at most public places, but I can tell you that the men’s rooms are terrible. I used to blame the establishments, but now I realize that they can’t possibly keep up with the steady stream of inconsiderate, messy people who must have some aversion to cleanliness.

Can some men really think that the seat is there to pee on? How hard is it to find the flush handle and to know that large, open container you see near the sink is probably a trash can? I’m not your momma, but raise the lid, flush the toilet and use the trash can!

College football games. I love college football as much as the next guy. But how many times have you been out for a game and some drunk guy (or gal), all decked out in his school’s colors, is shouting every expletive he has ever read on the bathroom wall. This is really impressive for your 8-year-old who is attending his first game.

Or what about the guy (or gal) who constantly tells you and your team to go where it never freezes over? They’re just wishing for a good fight. Look, if you want a good fight, join the Army and go to Afghanistan or Iraq. I’m not your momma, but you need to cool it and respect the rights of others. If college football ceased to exist, it would be painful — but not fatal.

Wearing seat belts. How many more tragedies is it going to take before we all learn to wear our seat belts? Don’t irritate me by telling me your one story about a friend of your second cousin’s brother-in-law who would have been killed if he had been wearing his seat belt. It may happen, but it is extremely rare and not even worth talking about.

Obviously our “Click It or Ticket” campaign hasn’t been too effective. Maybe we could be more effective by using Mrs. Pat or Deuuuuuce.

I’m not your momma, but for goodness sake — no, for safety’s sake — wear your seat belt!

Dr. J. Lee Valentine is a family practice physician in Meridian. His e-mail address is jleval@aol.com.