When a spammer dares to ring McKee Ranch, well it’s not a pretty picture. Let me tell you all about it.

First, if the High IQ Spammer enters the sanctum of McKee Ranch, (heh, heh) they take their lives into their own hands or something like that. Spammers are not tolerated.

Oh, my track record is loud and clear and I’m rather proud to proclaim loudly and explain thoroughly my technique. I just say to them. “Hangup and don’t call back.”

But that doesn’t always work so next time I show no mercy.

I am not complaining alone. No, there are thousands of us, especially Hubs. Just let his iPhone ring and the ID register “unknown” especially when the voice comes alive. “Ehello, Mr. McKei,” the voice will say. “There are no problums with your credit card but …” that’s when Hubs slams down the phone.

Or the next call which goes like this. “Is Joanne there?” I seem to get that one most often. Oh, it is one of my favorites. NOT!

Well it could be a favorite, because I enjoy a bit of mischief with the caller when I answer in a loud, obnoxious voice that seemly could ramble on for hours and I ask the questions. “Hello? Hello? Is this Gertrude?” I ask. “ I’m just dying to talk to you, Gertrude.”

That will get the Joanne caller off of the line in a hurry.

And perhaps we have all received the call from an IRS pretender? It goes like this. With an irate voice the caller begins, “Hello Mrs. McKee. This is the IRS and you owe Thirty Go-zillion dollars which must be paid immediately.” After these words there is a deadly silence as the caller expects a quivering voice.

I believe the first time this call rang McKee Ranch, I did answer rather demurely, like a little ole lady (I faked that part) who was ready to give out my bank card number and password. You see I had received word from a friend a few weeks earlier to perhaps expect such a call, I harked up my acting skills and asked in a rather shaken, breathless, voice. “Please call back at 8 pm,” I gulped.

Well those suckers were punctual, because at 8:00 pm on the nose, the same High IQ voice was on the line. “Mrs. McKee, as you requested, we, at the IRS, have returned our call.”

Boy, oh, boy was I ready for them. Suddenly by demure voice became almost a screech. I mean I really pulled out my dramatic skills for this. “You sorry pieces of ……” and THEY hung up and have never called again.

I think I enjoyed it too much. Sigh.

Last week Hubs practically pranced into the TV room holding a piece of paper. It was a No Call List for iPhones’. We immediately grabbed our phones and keyed in the number. There was a rather pleasant voice on the other end of the line and after we punched a few numbers, we were officially on the list. We were overwhelmed with joy.

But this week, the calls continue, however I have hope. I know these things take time and I do have my shrill whistle for assistance, if needed.

So next time.

“Hello, is this Joanne?”

Then I blast, PHOEEEEE! “Hello, is this Gertrude?”

And so life goes on at McKee Ranch.

Anne McKee is a proud, native Meridianite and Mississippi historian. She is the author of “Remembering Mississippi” and “Historic Photos of Mississippi.” Anne is primarily known as a Mississippi Storyteller and as well the Director of Rose Hill Cemetery Costumed Tour. See her website: www.annemckeestoryteller.com