Well, it finally happened. Hubs is on a diet, not by his choice, mind you, but upon doctor’s orders. Now Hubs has a different outlook about it all. You see he thinks it is just a suggestion, via his doctor, but I was sitting right there in the examining room with him and I know the words spoken. I do, indeed.

“Mr. McKee, your lab work indicates an increase with the bad cholesterol reading, so you should limit fats and sugars in your diet.”

Yep, I thought, no more chili dogs, bacon, fried catfish and pound cakes, as the doctor continued, “You can have all of the raw veggies and fruits that you want.”

Do I sound happy? OK, I admit that perhaps I am chuckling, just a tiny bit, because as you, my dear readers know, I have been dieting since I was eight years old, but Hubs has never experienced such a thing. It is like this: I look forward to his charming company as I munch down rabbit food, topped with a no fat, no sugar and no salt type junk that some manufacturer had the nerve to label as a salad dressing. Yes, he can join me.

Maybe I am dreaming, but I can see breakfast at 8 a.m., lunch at 12 noon and supper at 6 p.m. with no late night snacks. Breakfast will be a boring whole wheat cereal, lunch is tuna salad with a pickle (one) and supper, Hold-On, (drum roll) supper is the exciting meal of the day and it consists of chef salad with a ¼ cup of peaches.

Even I am about to gag.

Quickly I must add that Hubs only has a small cholesterol problem with no meds prescribed. “You can control it with diet.” I believe those were the words used this morning and you have probably heard the same phrases when once you were sitting in a small room decorated with a tiny bed and puke bowl.

I suppose I may have to leave Hubs in the car when I grocery shop. He tends to hang around the donut aisle, second only to the chips & dip area and that is before he hovers throughout the ice cream cooler.

Oh, my, this morning the discussion on the way home was dire. You see yesterday he had purchased two pounds of butter in order to make another pound cake and a bunch of sugar cookies. I mean what could I say? I didn’t discourage him because well I like pound cake and sugar cookies, too.

I told him this would be our final victory trip through sugar-land and that we will not feel guilty. But I have a funny feeling we will journey there again, but maybe not as often and I said there are wonderful sugar substitutes available. That’s when he turned up his nose.

Oh, me, this may be a difficult time. I mean how can a healthy man, who has always eaten everything he wants, suddenly avoid the dessert menu? How can a man, who is not overweight, never has been, really trust lab work. It could all be a sham. Maybe the lab tech wanted his pound cake, crazier things have happened?

I admit there is a whole lot of hype about living a healthy lifestyle. You know more exercise and less fatty, sugary food. But Hubs is not too convinced. You see he has always been very healthy eating junk at all hours. He has lived just fine with a diet of Fritos, cheese twirls and barbeque chips, drowned down with Dr Pepper, all consumed after midnight. He sees no need in taking away food from rabbits. I mean those little fuzzes need to chomp often, with mouths filled with radishes and carrots.

So now it all begins, that is right after the pound cake and sugar cookies. Granny always said, “Waste not. Want not.” And we can’t disappoint granny, now can we?

I will keep you posted as we, at the McKee Ranch, search for salad deals with more enjoyable salad dressings and perhaps with a few more pickles. Pleasssse!

Anne B McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is listed on the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau and Mississippi Arts Commission’s Performing Artist and Teaching Artist Rosters. See her web site: www.annemckeestoryteller.com