Spencer Blalock

 

Life is made of learning experiences. It’s likely that you have learned more lessons than you can remember throughout your lifetime. Ask yourself, “Why do I do what I do the way that I do…?”

The reason is probably because those around you taught you or you picked up practices by observation over time. Most of our practices are a blend of learning, practicing and becoming comfortable with the resulting practices.

A funny story is told of a young bride who begins to show off her cooking skills to her new husband. Every Saturday she buys a roast and brings it home and prepares for Sunday lunch. She prepares by cutting the ends of the roast off and throwing them away. Each Sunday morning she places the prepared roast in a pan and roasts until perfect. The husband is curious and asks why she cuts the ends off the roast. She explains that it makes it better. He asks where she learned that and she explains that her mother did it that way. They then talk to the mother who explains that grandmother did it that way. They then go to the wise grandmother who explains the method, “I’ve always done that! The roast wouldn’t fit in the pan so I had to cut the ends off…” Lesson learned…

What we often forget is that we learn what we learn through mistakes, errors, little successes, among a number of other hurdles. You have probably heard what Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb and 1,092 other patented products, said about his many “failures” (10,000 to be exact) in inventing the light bulb, “I have not failed 10,000 times, I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that it will not work.” What a great perspective, his “failures” were a part of his learning experiences

In my years of work in various settings and with many types of mental health providers, I have found that “mistakes,” “failures,” “errors,” “wasted time,” and any variation of blunder, is a source of major heartache for many. People spend hours, days, and lifetimes thinking about mistakes that they may have made (or think they have made).

The title of this article is “Mistaken Identity.” The reason for this is, often, when a person worries and frets about their mistakes, they may consider themselves a series of mistakes. Some people allow mistakes to become their identity. It may be a part of how they were raised, the experiences they have endured, or a number of other factors that creates a tendency to take on the “mistaken identity” of a mistake maker.

Writer Augusten Burroughs stated the sentiment well, “I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” None of us are made of all mistakes. None of us are made of all successes. We are a mix of a bit of everything. We are better than we think we are.

Thomas Monson said, “Sometimes, courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow…’ ” 

Remember the following as you escape “mistaken identity:”

• If a mistake sticks around in your mind, identify the source of the feelings (regret);

• Remember, that mistakes usually come with a lesson; did you learn it? (fire is hot, don’t touch…);

• Remind yourself, “I don’t live there anymore…” (lesson learned);

• Count all of the good choices you have made and how your lessons help others (“I can understand others now and give support…”);

• Let it go (“I already paid for this; no need to pay twice…”).

Mistakes don’t define us. We are much more valuable than we think. The lessons of this life are meant to be shared. Convey your story with compassion for others. Your lessons can teach those around you!

Let Senior Care help you or a loved one. Call 601-703-4917 for more information. We may have resources to help and we have a location nearby to serve you.

Spencer Blalock, DHA, LCSW, BCD, is a clinical specialist with Senior Care – a service of Rush Health Systems.