Do you ever feel lonely? The truth is, an individual can be surrounded by people who love them but still feel lonely. You’re not alone in that.

An experienced, seasoned therapist remarked recently, “The most common trait I see as a therapist of the young, middle-aged, and seniors from all walks of life is loneliness… That includes those who are married as well as those who are not.” Loneliness is a complex emotion and each individual has different factors that contribute to that feeling. It may be that an individual has lost a loved one or lives too far from loved ones to be able to connect. It may be that an individual misses his or her former job and coworkers. It may be that there are difficult feelings in a relationship that make it hard to be close emotionally. There are many other possible reasons.

Maybe a clinical definition would help here. One psychologist determined in a research study that mental health clinicians see loneliness as an undesirable and depressive state of mind in which an individual wants to socialize with others but can’t find a way to do so. This is different than a situation in which someone who is an introvert enjoys solitude. A helpful way to determine if loneliness is the culprit in creating a sense of emotional pain is this:

Is it hard to open up to others and express how you really feel?

Is it hard to find anyone to talk to in general?

Do you become tearful at times because of this feeling?

Do you feel negative about the world around you?

Do you feel negative about yourself?

If you can identify with these emotions, you may be experiencing significant pain that is very real and impacting your emotional and physical well-being. You may respond, “Well, that’s just how it is and I have to deal with it!” That may be true. But, there are things you can do about it.

Recently, a man in his mid-90s lamented how life had changed. He felt very lonely and spent lots of time thinking how very few people call or visit. He was getting “in the dumps” by going down this road in his mind. So, he decided, “I can’t make anyone change my life, I have to change it!” Instead of waiting for someone to call him, he called them. Instead of waiting for a letter in the mail, he dropped letters in the mail. Instead of merely missing the friends who had been separated by time and other circumstances, he tried to develop new associations. He admits, however, that it was hard. But he also found that he felt more in control of the negative emotions he was experiencing. And, his loneliness improved.

An adage says, “If it is to be, it is up to me.” That can be applied to almost every area of life. Choose today to do two things to deal with your loneliness. First, accept it as a part of human existence. Second, choose a realistic action that will focus your negative feelings to something to relieve the loneliness (i.e. call someone you want to talk to, write a note to someone you care about, volunteer to do something for others, engage in a social or religious group, etc).

As you recognize your loneliness, you will be more able to do something about it. You are worth caring about! You are your own best advocate and ally! Do something today to feed your soul.

References:

Cacioppo J. (2011). Psychologist John Cacioppo Explains Why Loneliness Is Bad For Your Health?

Shah R. (2013). Under the microscope: The effect of loneliness on physical and mental health

Let Senior Care help you or a loved one. Call 601-703-4917 for more information. We have a location near you.

Spencer Blalock, DHA, LCSW, BCD, is a clinical specialist with Senior Care – a service of Rush Health Systems.