So you are retiring soon and the outlook is fantastic.

Wait a minute – I have a few insights for you:

1. There are no paid holidays. 2. No bonuses or overtime monies. 3. The overtime hours will almost kill you. 4. Everyone thinks you have nothing to do. That’s right!

Not to be a bummer, but your time is not your own. And if there is a spouse in the house, then sometimes there is twice-the-husband-and-half-the-paycheck. Just saying… think about it.

Now if the said spouse decides to enter the kitchen (sounds good, doesn’t it?). Hold on! (It could happen just like this!) First your once, sort of, neat cabinets become zombie-zones. Yep – can’t find anything. Even the innocent canisters are in his radar zone – sugar mixed with flour and corn meal nowhere to be found. It’s a mess, I tell you.

First your once, sort of, neat cabinets become zombie-zones. Yep – can’t find anything. Even the innocent canisters are in his radar zone – sugar mixed with flour and corn meal nowhere to be found. It’s a mess, I tell you.

Oh, and if he decides to cook, then just throw up the white flag and walk away. Walk away, I tell you. Because, my dear innocent ones — please listen closely — the Hubs in the kitchen is close to an earthquake but homeowner’s insurance will not cover the damages.

And Lord help you if said spouse jumps in the car as you leave to the grocery shop. Good grief, just throw your list in the trash. The piles of purchases in your shopping buggy (that’s right buggy — not cart – we are in Mississippi, you know!), yes those items will resemble junky stuff like for a frat house: corn dogs, cheese puffs, root beer and the real stuff too, sometimes if you don’t keep an alert eye, and of course chili dogs, chips, cookies and anything with high carbs.

Who cares? He’s retired and shopping!

Can you keep a secret, just between us? After a few of those above described shopping trips, I devised a system that has worked pretty well. I make Hubs his very own shopping list and the use of his very own shopping buggy. We separate at the front door in a dead heat. I head to the high dollar meats, cheeses and produce and I can move pretty fast, because I know he will dart straight to the chips and cookies. However, once he arrives to his destination, he can spend many minutes making his selections. After, all he is retired and has plenty of time.

Once I have finished my list, I call him up on his cell and tell him to join me at the checkout. Wham! Shopping is done and the price is right as well as calories and carbs not too high.

But shopping is just a small part of the retirement dilemma. The real culprit is the telephone.

It will start innocently. “Hello, friend. We were wondering if you could join us for blab, blab, blab?”

Remember, you are still afloat in the gleeful bubble of freedom from a longtime career, so the answer is, “Oh, sure.” The idea of working as a community volunteer sounds great. This one small task doesn’t seem to take too much time, but, then, after all you have plenty of time. Someone said it was good to be useful.

It wasn’t too long until the phone rang again and again. The calls came to the forefront because, you know, you had plenty of time. Then, there were the dates running through your mind, and it was necessary to keep a calendar — just one calendar that hung in the kitchen.

Within a matter of weeks, another calendar was needed on the special desk that was purchased to keep all of the many supplies for your volunteer projects. A third calendar was purchased for your car.

Oh, a new laptop and cell phone were needed as well. There were lists of organizations, meeting dates, memberships, and special projects. Someone remarked that you were organized and dedicated – so you became the president of the group.

Now you were soliciting new members, planning additional events for the organization, applying for grants, and preparing a vision statement. It was almost a duplication of your career – only without pay.

Yep, retirement is not all that it’s cracked-up to be. It’s better.

Anne McKee is a Mississippi historian, writer and storyteller. She is listed on the Mississippi Humanities Speakers Bureau and Mississippi Arts Commission’s Artist Roster. See her website: www.annemckeestoryteller.com