LAWRENCE, Mass. — Addiction. Criminal records. Domestic violence. Divorce. Jail time. Probation.

Those are some of the circumstances that bring 20 or so men to a third-floor conference room at the Lawrence Public Library for 90 minutes on Tuesday nights.

But there is something they all have in common: sons and daughters.

As gender roles shift nationwide, state custody laws are rewritten and more fathers seek a role in their lives of their children, Fatherhood Programs in Lawrence and around the state are working with men who may have the most to learn about how to reconnect with their children.

The programs are run by county Probation Departments and are targeted at men on parole or probation, but a criminal record is not required to get in. The program began in Wareham in 1994 and was brought to Lawrence three years later by Essex County, Massachuestts Probation Officer Frank Audy.

“Over the last two decades, fathers are beginning to recognize how important they are in the lives of their children,” Audy said. “Fathers have become more proactive in seeking custody of their children and are making more efforts to pay child support.”

The Lawrence program has assisted about 500 men over 18 years. They meet in groups of about 20 for 12 sessions that cover a spectrum of parenting challenges that arise when relationships break down. They include filing for custody, navigating the child-support system, showing respect to the mothers of their children, dressing properly for court appearances and showing affection. There are regular guest speakers, including Probate and Family Court judges and representatives of the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children.

The right kind of support

“This isn’t mortal combat, where someone wins and someone loses,” Dick Consoli, a lawyer who runs another program that provides legal advice to indigent people, told the group on a recent Tuesday night, after one father had criticized his former girlfriend.

“Set aside your anger, hurt and frustration,” Consoli advised him. “It’s not about beating up the other side. It’s about problem-solving and lifesaving.”

Many of the the men say the support that matters most at the meetings comes from each other, not the facilitators or the speakers. Every meeting opens as each man describes how he spent the last week, which hopefully included time with their kids. On this night, most tell stories about time spent with their kids at birthday parties and building model planes, rollerblading, going to church or a movie, and also about discipline, disappointment, court battles and what one called “momma drama.”

“Listening to the other guys, I hear that what I’m going through, somebody else has gone through,” said Kevin Anderson, 43, a plumber and a father of four who lives in Merrimac. “None of us there are going about it alone, which is a nice thing to know.”

Keith Eddings is a staff reporter for The Eagle-Tribune. Click here for his full story about Lawrence’s Fatherhood Programs.