Someone who tells you the truth, even if you don’t want to hear it, is not your enemy, but a friend. On the other hand, someone who speaks flattery is only manipulating you. The Bible says, “The kisses of an enemy are deceitful, but the wounds of a friend are faithful.” Do you have any friends who love you enough to wound you with their words (assuming these words are spoken privately)?

    I heard a man tell the story of when he was making his own dining room table. It was round, four feet across, and from expensive wood. When he finished with the process, it looked beautiful. But then he put a level across it, and saw it had a huge dip in the middle where he had sanded too much. He tossed the metal level across the room and shouted, “You lying instrument!”

    Another tool that always lines up with reality is the plumb. A plumb is made of a hanging weight supported by a string. When you drop it down a beam to check for vertical alignment, it lines up true and straight from top to bottom. It never deviates. A warped wall, a leaning line of blocks, is out of plumb and can be dangerous.

    God’s prophets were often sent to his people at times when they had deviated from the covenant. Perhaps they had forsaken His ways, or were practicing idolatry, or immorality, or were neglecting their offerings. These prophets spoke God’s word to them and held up the truth as the plumb for them to line up with. They had to bow to God’s holy word, not “cherry-pick” the word to suit their habitual sins.

    The thing about truth is that it can hurt before it heals. Self-deception is a real enemy because when we are deceived, we don’t see ourselves accurately. In fact, the real mark of deception is that we are unaware of it. The devil doesn’t come up to you and say, “Hi. I’m the devil. I’m about to lie to you.” If we recognized the lie, we could avoid it in the first place. That’s why we need to know God’s word and have friends.

    So, how can we see ourselves? God has a practical answer. I have in the past played golf. It is a delightful game. (I imagine Adam and God playing golf together in Eden during the cool of the day.) In the game of golf, a real dilemma is that when your swing is out, you can’t coach yourself back to normal. Someone must stand behind you as an observer and then report to you what they see so you can fix it.

    If we want to know the truth about ourselves, we need to do one of two things (or even better, do both): 1) Ask a trusted friend, pastor, or your spouse to confidentially show you your shortcomings; 2) Take a serious look at what God’s word says about your behavior or beliefs. Did you know the Bible says that the Scriptures are like a mirror to us? It’s true. When we look into God’s word, it reflects back to us what is true and real, stripped of any illusions we may be carrying.

    Hearing the truth from an honest person’s perspective (a coach, a mentor, a teacher, your father or mother, a preacher) can affirm what is good in your life and can expose what is bad in your life. Hearing this feedback sooner rather than later is always better for you. Once you have heard the truth, it is your responsibility what you will do with it. Personally, I am slow to trust a person who does not receive personal, confidential input from a few worthy, capable people.

    Ron Wood is a pastor and writer. He and his wife live in Arkansas with their retired Jack Russell Terrier.  Write Ron at wood.stone.ron@gmail.com.