My wife and I were rooting for the USA Olympic team this week when we witnessed something deeply disturbing that begs the following question:   Just what do you suppose the pioneers carving this country from a wilderness, or the patriots storming the beaches of the Pacific, or today’s troops battling in the mountains of Afghanistan would think about men’s (using the term loosely) figure skating?

    Since no one in the mainstream media will air what the rest of us are thinking, I’ll state publicly that the antics and outfits of the US men’s figure skaters are an affront to normal men and women everywhere.  Real men don’t flit around like tarts wearing pink tassels and feathered gloves. They don’t swing their hips, cock their head to one side, and wave with two hands. It’s not accurate to characterize this kind of behavior as womanly, because women don’t act this way, either. What we saw before turning the TV off was an attempt of a man trying (and failing) to do an exaggerated impression of a woman. And it was embarrassing.

    When a woman covers her face and cries uncontrollable tears of joy or sadness after a performance, it’s endearing. But when a man behaves that way, it’s strangely inappropriate.  Men should be men, not amorphous, ambiguous beings causing everyone else to wonder, “What was that?”  Real men are masculine and real women are feminine, and neither are effeminate.   

    The unisex ideal modeled by today’s figure skaters isn’t new. Throughout history declining cultures like Greece and Rome blurred the lines of sexuality.  Those societies became decadent and weak while cultures that raised their young boys to be men grew stronger with the passage of time.  Nations that make distinctions between men and women and value the respective virtues of each strengthen the basic building block of society — the traditional family.

    I’ve had the enormous advantage of spending my entire life around real men. My father was an example and rock of strength. I was molded by construction bosses, drill instructors, flight leads, squadron commanders, and a Sunday School teacher/golden gloves boxer. They were respected and carried themselves like men, and I wanted to be like them.

    My friends and I imitated cowboys, adventurers, and warriors. We watched the Duke, Grizzly Adams, and Pa Ingalls and dreamed of the day that we’d use our Swiss Army knives and BB guns to surround a bank robber hideout in the woods and free their beautiful bank teller captives. Looking back at the fun we had battling pirates on the high seas and leading wagon trains over mountain passes on the Oregon Trail, I can’t help but believe that these aspirations should be encouraged, not trained out of young boys.

    Parents, especially in this culture where masculinity is ridiculed, must teach their sons the difference between a man and something less.  And it’s not that hard to teach because it’s innate.

    My son and I were watching people walk by in a big city when he crinkled up his nose and asked, “Daddy, is that a man carrying that purse?”  I turned to see a foppish male model-type with polished fingernails and matching handbag.

    “No, son,” I said, “That is not a man.”  “When a man carries his wife’s purse, he holds it like it’s a dirty diaper.”

    “Oh.” He replied, greatly relieved.

    I love the Olympics, and have fond memories of Dorothy Hamill, downhill skiing, and the Miracle on Ice. But the next time my family watches a man on skates, it’ll be hockey.

    Craig Ziemba is a military pilot who lives in Meridian. To schedule Craig to speak at your event, email craigziemba@aol.com.