“Twelve-year-old kills toddler for disturbing him while he was watching TV.”

Sounds like a scenario from fiction, but this story was reported in January when a Florida boy beat a 17-month-old child to death with a baseball bat. The reason? The child was making too much noise crying and the pre-teen could not hear the TV. The 12-year-old was babysitting for the toddler and a 10-year-old girl.

Should this incident be unheard of, we could perhaps chalk it up to some unusual circumstance that would never affect our own. Unfortunately, such incidents – though not frequently fatal – are occurring more and more frequently.

Such actions reveal a lack of empathy for others. Empathy is basically the ability to recognize, respect, and understand the emotions and positions of others, to then be able to put yourself in their shoes to appreciate their perspective and experience their feelings, and, finally, to act accordingly, whether it be to offer support, compromise, or make amends and reparations.

Empathy can be taught, said Dr. Susan Eaves, a licensed professional counselor, who will be the presenter for a free seminar titled “Raising Compassionate Children: Developing Empathy.” The program is sponsored by Weems Community Mental Health Center and Meridian Community College.

The seminar will cover the basics of emotional intelligence, why it is so important, and the specific aspect of empathy.

“We want parents, caregivers, teachers and others to leave with some specific strategies for helping children develop empathy,” said Eaves.

The program is designed for those who live or work with children ages 2 to 18.



Lack of empathy



The lack of empathy current children and youth display can be seen in both big and small ways, not all news worthy, but equally troubling.

Daily events such as children leaving others out, making hateful remarks, and having no concern for those less fortunate than themselves are all examples of behaviors that children would absolutely not engage in if they were able to empathize with the feelings of others.







Worse yet, not only are children behaving this way in record numbers, but they are refusing to make amends or reparations when requested to do so, explained Eaves. Even when damaging behavior is pointed out to them, they do not care how their behavior affects others. Small events such as these can escalate when an unempathetic youth is angered or feels wronged in some way.

“Without the ability to place themselves in others’ shoes,” said Eaves, “they do not consider the way their behavior impacts others.”

Emotional intelligence, which has been found to be more important to personal happiness and professional success than academic intelligence, is made up of several components including self-control, emotion regulation, resiliency, and empathy, among others. Of these components, empathy is found to be among one of the most deficient in today’s children and youth as well as one of the most detrimental to our society, according to Eaves.

“Our community suffers tremendously when we are only concerned with our own wants and desires and either don’t recognize the feelings of others or don’t care,” she said. “Parents today are recognizing the problem and seem eager to change the situation, but aren’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Eaves attributes deficits in emotional intelligence to several related reasons. First, there has been such a push for academic excellence in children that, as a society, we have in many case abandoned all other forms of development. Second, many parents assume that these skills will occur naturally and develop on their own.

Third, parents are increasingly overwhelmed with responsibilities outside the home and secretly hope that other institutions, such as the school, will provide these aspects of development to their children. Finally, media, including video games, are geared toward rewarding unempathetic behavior and children are bombarded with such media. So while they are not only getting the opportunities to develop

empathy from their parents, they are simultaneously being trained to be the centers of their own universe and have little if any regard for the plight of others.



Teaching children

compassion



There is good news, said Eaves. Empathy can be taught.

“We know that prior to age 14, children have an increased chance of developing this trait and that after such age it becomes more difficult to teach,” she said. “However, there is still hope for children of all ages. In addition, I firmly believe that our responsibility as parents is to make every effort to do so, regardless of the outcome.

“Children even in infancy are able to show some signs of empathy,” said Eaves. When we see a baby cry at the sound of another baby’s cry, when a toddler offers a blanket or pacifier to another toddler who is visibly distressed, we see empathy developing. By the time a child is around 9 years old, he or she is developmentally capable of tremendous empathy, even when viewing starving children in another country or other such sad events on television. There are specific ways that parents can develop these skills, daily opportunities that are going unrecognized that we will detail in this seminar.”



Dr. Susan Eaves is a behavioral specialist and therapist in the Division of Children and Youth at Weems Community Mental Health Center. Both nationally certified (NCC) and state licensed (LPC), she holds a doctorate in community counseling from Mississippi State University,where she earlier earned a master of science degree in counseling.

Eaves has more than seven years’ experience counseling children, adolescents and adults. She has also trained and supervised graduate students and counselors and holds the designation of ACS (Approved Clinical Supervisor) at the national level. She is the author or co-author of numerous peer-reviewed journal articles and book chapters. She serves as an adjunct professor at two universities, is an avid researcher, and is a frequent community presenter.