By Sid Salter
The Meridian Star
MERIDIAN —
In 2009, I spent the entire month of September as a vegetarian.
The impetus for the month-long lifestyle change was in response to a billboard campaign in Florida in which the controversial animal-rights outfit, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, posted a picture of a very large woman with the tagline, “Save the Whales, Lose the Blubber, Go Vegetarian.”
Unlike many others, the billboard didn’t offend me at all. I thought it was funny. I’m fat. I can laugh at myself. So I started thinking about what life would be like looking through the carrot-tinged glasses of a vegetarian.
I did it, and I didn’t cheat. It wasn’t easy. I am a devout carnivore. I love steak. Seriously, I really, really LOVE a big slab of charred beef, highly seasoned, grilled medium-rare, and sitting all alone on a plate right in front of me. It’s “my thing,” always has been— and probably— always will be.
Nevertheless, I took the challenge, and was successful. Though, it didn’t work out like PETA said it would, and in the end, it didn’t even work out like I thought it would.
I figured I would get four weeks of columns full of humorous material dogging out vegetarians and their way of life. What I gained, was a newfound respect for people who make that lifestyle choice.
On the other hand, I didn’t lose any weight like the PETA billboard stated I would. I actually gained three pounds living as a vegetarian. In all fairness, I became a carbotarian. I ate a lot of bread, cheese, and starchy foods. I love bread. Cinnamon rolls fit the guidelines for vegetarian eating, and so I indulged, and indulged, and indulged.
I wasn’t living up to the spirit of the lifestyle. Vegetarianism was giving me a free pass to eat a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t normally eat in my every day life. It was a free pass to eat crap, and my conscience was clear. I justified it in my mind, because I was denying myself the typical foods that I was used to eating.
The president of PETA, Ingrid Newkirk, and I became pen pals. She congratulated me on my new lifestyle, and even encouraged me to take it a step further and become a vegan. “No way,” I fired back. It was already hard enough trying to figure out what I could eat and what was forbidden.
However, I’ve had a full year to think about it, and I think that I’m ready to take Ms. Newkirk’s challenge. For the entire month of September 2010, I will live and eat as a vegan.
One year ago, I didn’t even know what a vegan was. Unfortunately, I’ve researched the matter. In a nutshell— and yes, that would be a vegan-approved nutshell— a vegan not only shuns meat, fish, or anything with a face or tail, they don’t even eat stuff that came from animals. Ouch.
I made it a month without beef, pork, and seafood, but this time I won’t be eating cheese, eggs, butter, or milk. Double ouch.
Think about all of the items that use eggs or milk as an ingredient. Go ahead, think I about it, right now. I’ll wait. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Finished? Just about everything, right? I know.
Sayonara cinnamon rolls.
And, truth be told, I have no problem going without cinnamon rolls. I could probably live without cheese for the rest of my life. But milk? That’s going to be tough. I love milk. I always have. My brother and I drank a gallon of milk everyday in our childhood. I’ve been drinking it ever since. Eggs? Most of the things that I like to eat have eggs or milk in some form or fashion in the ingredient list. Not this September.
No bread, except stuff like Ezekial Bread. No butter. Butter! I love butter. No honey. It just hit me, this very second, that one of my favorite snacks— toasted bread with butter and honey and a glass of milk— is a quadruple no-no.
The journey begins. Pray for me.
Robert St.John is a restaurateur, chef, and author of the newly released “Dispatches From My South.” He can be reached at www.robertstjohn.com.
