The problem with youth sports

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June 7, 2008

By Crystal Dupré / publisher The Meridian Star Sat Jun 07, 2008, 10:37 PM CDT

A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about taking up the game of golf and the frustration I felt because I wasn’t able to quickly grasp the game. As a kid, I played volleyball, basketball and softball. For those people that know me, I am a very competitive person. I like to win. I like to come in first. I like the satisfaction that comes with knowing I played my best on the field or on the court, and I had some coaches that pushed me really hard and drove me to expand my potential.

Sure, my coaches would occasionally yell at us, but those occasions were rare and the criticism was constructive and, often, motivating. However, never once do I remember having to listen to parents (either those on my team or the opposing team) yell at us from the bleachers. Never once did a referee or umpire have to stop the game to go into the bleachers to break up a screaming match or fist fight between the parents. Never once do I remember seeing a teammate tear up because their own parent was berating them from the bleachers.

Unfortunately, parents today seem to be out-yelling the coaches. Youth sports have now come to a point where leagues have to form disciplinary committees to deal with misbehaving parents. Think about that for a while. Leagues have to take steps to protect the kids from their parents.

In the past, I have served as the head of the disciplinary committee for a soccer association, and I was amazed at the things I saw and heard. I had to ban two coaches for a year because of anger management issues. I had to tell several parents they were suspended from attending the next two games their child was to play. Recently, I spoke to a friend who travels to several tournaments to referee soccer games and he told me stories of having to stop matches to deal with rogue parents. He has even had to go so far as to call the police just to finish a game. These are kids we are talking about, not professional athletes.

I describe mainly soccer stories, but I assure you it is not limited to soccer nor is it limited to any city or state. I have friends who are involved in basketball, baseball and football, and it is the same story, different sport.

The funny thing is, most of the parents that get so crazy are parents that were not very involved in athletics when they were growing up. I guess they are trying to live competitively through their children. All I know is that my husband and I both grew up playing very competitive, traveling team sports and we love to watch our children participate in sports. Unfortunately, we sometimes need to wear ear plugs while watching.

We have very good friends in Laurel who have a daughter that plays on a Select soccer team. Before their daughter was allowed to play on the team, the parents had to sign a code of ethics, also known as a parent pledge. In the pledge, parents sign an agreement stating that they will adhere to proper sportsmanship on the sideline when dealing with coaches, managers, officials, other parents and children. If coaches are going to sacrifice their valuable time to teach children foot skills, game strategy, attitude, and sportsmanship, then the coaches expect parents to do their part and abide by the same rules and set a good example for the children.

And here is the best part…there is accountability that goes with the agreement. In the signed parent pledge, it states: “Parent (s) that do not adhere to the pledge will receive a letter of concern from the board. If violations continue the parent (s) and player (s) will be suspended from activities for a period of 10 days. If violations continue after the 10-day period of suspension the parent (s) and player (s) will be suspended for 1 year.” Now that’s motivation to behave. I love accountability.

Every parent wants their children to be successful and to be better than we are. One of those important pieces is teaching our children sportsmanship from the bleachers. Support, encourage, hold accountable, but maintain composure. While some parents may think yelling from the sideline is helping their children, trust me … it is embarrassing to your child, their teammates, the coach, and the rest of the parents. Just let the kids play.

Crystal Dupré is publisher of The Meridian Star. E-mail her at

cdupre@themeridianstar.com.

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